Funny News

Funny News

Funny news from around the world (first part) and from Cambodia (second part). Quotes in italic, comments in normal.

Used condoms cleaned and resold in southern Vietnam
https://ampe.vnexpress.net/news/news/used-condoms-cleaned-and-resold-in-southern-vietnam-4165805.html
Market authorities in Binh Duong Province have seized 324,000 used condoms that were about to be cleaned and resold in the market. ... Besides the used condoms weighing 360 kilos in total, inspectors also found thousands of condoms that had been packed and readied for sale, without brand names. ... Ngoc said around once a month, "somebody" delivered thousands of used condoms to her. ... Her job was to clean, dry and sort the condoms before making them look fresh again for new customers. ... More details about the illegal operation were not released. Authorities are investigating the case further.

That raises the question: where do you get 360 kg of used condoms? Do they have a side business as a sperm bank?

Preußenkönig zelebrierte Homoerotik Frauen ekelten ihn an: So exzessiv lebte Friedrich der Große seine Homosexualität aus
https://www.focus.de/wissen/mensch/geschichte/friedrich-der-grosse-so-lebte-der-preussenkoenig-seine-homosexualitaet-aus_id_10510563.html
„...unter denen es wohl stets einige hübsche junge Männer gab. Wenn er einen Pagen habe vernaschen wollen, so wurde am Hofe nach dem (sic!) Worten der Historikerin Eva Ziebura kolportiert, habe er im Vorbeigehen ein Taschentuch fallen lassen.“

Frederic the Great (Prussian king) was gay. Translation (google translate, edited by ChristianPFC):
“... among whom there were always some handsome young men. When he wanted to (lay/have it off with/do it with/make it with) a (page/squire), it was rumored at court, according to the words of the historian Eva Ziebura, he dropped a handkerchief in passing."

Japanese man arrested after ‘dating more than 35 women at once to get birthday gifts’; 26apr2021
https://www.independent.co.uk/asia/east-asia/japan-man-dating-women-gifts-b1836986.html
One woman told MBS News that he kissed her on the second date. She added: “I told him, ‘I don’t want to do that unless [you] are someone who wants to get married and really be with me in the future.’ He responded, ‘I’m serious. I’m going to be with you for the rest of my life.'”

Kissing on second date! How daring!

The world’s worst cruise? Sailing from Singapore to Thailand 
complete with monkey attacks, sexism and even a punch-up;
17 Apr, 2021
https://www.scmp.com/magazines/post-magazine/travel/article/3129377/worlds-worst-cruise-sailing-singapore-thailand
I read it out loud to Gavin. “A ship is called a ‘she’ because there is always a great deal of bustle around her; there is usually a gang of men about; she has a waist and straps; it takes a lot of paint to keep her good looking. It is not the initial expense that breaks you, it is the upkeep.” Incredulous, I carried on: “It takes an experienced man to handle her correctly, and without a man at the helm, she is absolutely uncontrollable.” By the time I got to the end I was incensed and seethed to Gavin that, “Maybe a ship is called a ‘she’ because if you treat her badly she will smash you on the rocks.”

New Cambodian Covid-19 outbreak puts Vietnam at high risk, so they allege; April 14, 2021
https://www.khmertimeskh.com/50838664/new-cambodian-covid-19-outbreak-puts-vietnam-at-high-risk-so-they-allege/
Last December, a man had tested positive after entering Vietnam illegally. He traveled from Myanmar to Thailand by truck and then got into Cambodia on another truck before sneaking into the south of the country. Fortunately, his mother reported him and thanks to her, the infection chain was stopped just in time. Three of the eight people crossing the border with him were also infected.

He crossed three international borders illegally, made it home and was reported by his mother!

'World's Dirtiest Man': Amou Haji Is An 87-Year-Old Man Who Hasn't Bathed In 67 Years; Jan 20, 2021
https://www.indiatimes.com/trending/human-interest/world-dirtiest-man-amou-haji-532432.html
Amou Haji is an 87-year-old man and he hasn't taken a bath in 67 years. He resides in Dejgah which is a village in the Kermanshah province of Iran. He also looks like the Biblical Moses who fell down a chimney. ... He is always covered in ash and dirt. He hasn't taken a bath for nearly seven decades because he is scared of water. He is of the belief that if he will bathe, he will fall ill. ... What is even more unusual is that his diet consists of rotten meat of dead animals, especially porcupines. He also enjoys smoking but it is not tobacco he prefers. He likes to smoke animal feces out of a rusty pipe.

Funny News from Cambodia, all from Cambodia News English
News From Cambodia You Might Understand, with their web-address aptly named https://cne.wtf (wtf = what the fuck? here as an exclamation of amazement).

Thief In Wheelchair Detained Again In Battambang; May 10, 2021
https://cne.wtf/2021/05/10/thief-in-wheelchair-detained-again-in-battambang/
…said that the two men were active and skilled, even though one was a wheelchair user- and were active in stealing car batteries and other items from parked cars. They have both been arrested many times. However, the wheelchair user was granted a waiver due to his disability, and in the past, the authorities only provided educational guidance.

Being disabled is no hindrance for becoming a thief!

Crazed Man Hogtied After Attacking Mailbox; May 8, 2021
https://cne.wtf/2021/05/08/crazed-man-hogtied-after-attacking-mailbox/
Phnom Penh: A man, suspected of being a drug addict, screamed in front of the Ministry of Culture and Fine Arts. He used iron rods to smash mailboxes and beat people until the police at the scene intervened to stop him.

Highlander Hits Divider Dead Center May 3, 2021
https://cne.wtf/2021/05/03/highlander-hits-divider-dead-center/ 

Hitting dividers or roundabouts seems to be a national pastime, rarely a week passes without such an incident being reported. This one is noticeable for taking perfect aim.

Prize Fight! Ganzberg Beer Win Leads To Bitter Dispute; April 1, 2021
https://cne.wtf/2021/04/01/prize-fight-ganzberg-beer-win-leads-to-bitter-dispute/
Phnom Penh: A very surprising and outrageous story has come out after a sad man decided to file a lawsuit against his drinking buddy who took a winning ring pull and “big prize” from Ganzberg during a booze session. … During the session, Sim Son cracked a can of beer and suddenly shouted, “It’s a big prize !!” He had won a Ford car. He then offered the friendly buyer of the booze $1000, as a thank you. This did not sit well with the hosts. Sim Son then escaped with the winning prize pull and can. His friend has tried to call him, but Sim Son will not pick up the phone. ...

Leech Removed From Man’s Urethra; June 23, 2020
https://cne.wtf/2020/06/23/leech-removed-fro-mans-urethra/
Phnom Penh: According to a Facebook post by Calmette Hospital, a rare case of a leech was found in a man’s urinary tract after urinating in a pond. ... The hospital wrote: It was a rare case of an older man who suffered severe pain and persistent bleeding. After arriving at the hospital and having asked him what happened, it was found he took went for a bathe in a pond on the outskirts of Phnom Penh. A leech was found to have entered into his outer urethra. ... The doctor used a cystoscopie to look at and perform the procedure to remove the leech. The patient was well, his pain was gone, and he returned home the next day.

New Car Gets Sunk In Driving Lesson; March 25, 2021
https://cne.wtf/2021/03/25/new-car-gets-sunk-in-driving-lesson/
Kandal Province: An unnamed person had just bought a new car, but did not go to driving school properly. While learning the ropes, the vehicle ended up in a pond (somehow). … Although tragic for the motor, there were no reports of injuries. 

Man Bites Off Wife’s Ear, Wife Bites His Penis; June 2, 2019
https://cne.wtf/2019/06/02/man-bites-off-wifes-ear-wife-bites-his-penis/
Siem Reap: On June 1, 2019, at 8:40 am, a domestic violence incident took place in the village of Phnom Touch, Kralanh district, Siem Reap province. ... The wife, Chum Voeung, 40, called her husband, Ly Leap, 38, who was sleeping on a bed under the house to eat, but her husband refused to rise up. ... An argument turned to violence, as the man bit off his wife’s right ear. The wife then bit her husband’s penis, causing (* something to do with his testicle that can’t translate, but doesn’t sound pleasant). ... Ly Leap and Chou Voeung were taken to a Krekor hospital for treatment. ... Neither wished to press charges against the other. It is reported the couple had been drinking heavily before the incident. Source: Facebook

Damage After Concrete Croc Blocks Truck; March 18, 2021
https://cne.wtf/2021/03/18/damage-after-concrete-croc-blocks-truck/
The source added that after causing the accident, the driver fled, leaving the truck behind.

Headline sounds like it was the crocodile statue's fault. Fleeing the scene, even if leaving behind evidence that allows identification of the driver, seems to be a common reaction when causing an accident. See following article:

Kampot Hit & Runner Leaves Bumper Behind; March 3, 2021
https://cne.wtf/2021/03/03/kampot-hit-runner-leaves-bumper-behind/
A white car with license plate Phnom Penh 2AP-3931, heading from south to north to the scene, hit a motorbike that was driving in front. After the collision, the car fled, leaving the parts and license plate at the scene.

Bus Driver Beats 3 Passengers In Row Over 15,000 Riel Note; September 27, 2020
https://cne.wtf/2020/09/27/bus-driver-beats-3-passengers-in-row-over-15000-riel-note/
Kampong Chhnang Province: Three male passengers were beaten over the head by a bus driver, causing injuries after the bus driver did not accept 15,000 riel banknotes.

There are indeed notes with a value of 15,000 Riel, but they were a commemorative issue and therefore rare.

Old Man Slingshots Wife In Eye; May 26, 2020
https://cne.wtf/2020/05/26/old-man-slingshots-wife-in-eye/
Banteay Meanchey: An elderly man was arrested by police after getting drunken and arguing with his wife, then shooting her in the eye with a slingshot, causing serious injuries.

Massage Shop Locks Up After Van Sellers Lose $5000; December 2, 2020
https://cne.wtf/2020/12/02/massage-shop-locks-up-after-van-sellers-lose-5000/
Phnom Penh: Three men sold a 3 ton van, got the money and went for a massage. Later they checked the bag, and found they had lost $5,000 and found $600 ‘ghost’ money. ... They also went to the massage, and took off their clothes and hung them up, but they could not get a good massage. The three of them were frightened by shouting outside, and when they got out of the massage parlor, they hurriedly called a tricycle tuk tuk to Veng Sreng Road to find a guesthouse to sleep. ... When they checked the bag with the cash inside, they found they had lost $5,000, with $ 600 of ghost dollars placed in the bag and $5,500 remaining inside.

“Ghost Money” is money to be presented to gods or your ancestors, mostly 100 USD notes that look deceptively real. They have a "Copy" (and Khmer script, probably "Copy" in Khmer) on them.

Lady Of The Night Takes Payment Upfront, Steals Phone; March 3, 2021
https://cne.wtf/2021/03/03/lady-of-the-night-takes-payment-upfront-steals-phone/
According to preliminary sources, the victim took the lady of the night to the room to eat noodles, baby duck eggs and fruit smoothies and even paid her a $ 15 fee. After taking a shower, the wayward woman tricked him into going to buy a condom, took the opportunity to steal his phone and disappeared into the night.

Nothing new here, never pay sex workers upfront.

11 Chinese Caught Disguised As Seafood In Kampot; April 20, 2021
https://cne.wtf/2021/04/20/11-chinese-caught-disguised-as-seafood-in-kampot/
Kampot: On April 20, 2021, 11 Chinese nationals who intended to travel through Kampot province to Phnom Penh were caught hiding in a minivan to confuse the authorities. ... they were traveling from Sihanoukville and on their way to Phnom Penh, hiding under Styrofoam boxes to disguise themselves as seafood.

When I read "disguised as seafood" I had the mental image of the Chinese going to a costume party in fish/shrimp/crab/squid costumes.

ChristianPFC 2021 no copyright claimed