Dating trends in the West

Dating trends in the West

I have vast experience in dating in South-East Asia, but it came as a big surprise to read about new dating trends in the West. In some cases I learnt that there are names for dating behavior I have witnessed.

Roaching Is the New Dating Trend That's As Gross As It Sounds (Aug 16, 2021)
https://www.instyle.com/lifestyle/roaching-dating-trend

"Roaching is a dating term coined that refers to someone that is sleeping around with many," says Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking. She adds that even if you're aware of one other sexual partner, you could "realize there are, in fact, many."

"[The term] comes from the ickiness of seeing one of these nasty little bugs but knowing when you turn the lights on, there are lots of them," explains Trombetti. Um, gross.

However, I think the premise is wrong. My dating activities are free from religious or cultural restrictions, I have as many sexual partners as I can get, and I’m happy for my sexual partners to have as many as they can get.

Roaching is another bleak dating trend – here are the signs (Aug 21, 2021)
https://planetconcerns.com/roaching-is-another-bleak-dating-trend-here-are-the-signs/
Here just the most interesting terms as quotes from above article:

Breadcrumbing: Leaving ‘breadcrumbs’ of interest – random noncommittal messages and notifications that seem to lead on forever, but don’t actually end up taking you anywhere worthwhile Breadcrumbing is all about piquing someone’s interest without the payoff of a date or a relationship.

Catfish: Someone who uses a fake identity to lure dates online.

Firedooring: Being firedoored is when the access is entirely on one side, so you’re always waiting for them to call or text and your efforts are shot down.

Gatsbying: To post a video, picture or selfie to public social media purely for a love interest to see it.

Microcheating: Cheating without physically crossing the line. So stuff like emotional cheating, sexting, confiding in someone other than your partner, that sort of thing.

Scroogeing: Dumping someone right before Christmas so you don’t have to buy them a present.

10 New Dating Slang Words To Know In 2021 (November 18, 2021)
https://www.dictionary.com/e/dating-slang-terms/

3. Fauci-ing Dr. Anthony Fauci, the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, became a household name during the pandemic. He’s so well known, in fact, that he inspired his own dating slang. Fauci-ing is the act of turning down a date because someone isn’t taking the pandemic seriously enough. The term is believed to have been coined by the dating app Plenty of Fish, and it’s gotten so popular that Axios asked Dr. Fauci about it in February 2021. He found it hilarious.

There is another Covid-related dating behavior. People are still on online dating, but don’t want to meet (maybe just me, maybe in general) for fear of contracting Covid, or some boys I chatted with even claimed they don’t go out at all for fear of Covid.
https://christianpfc.blogspot.com/2021/03/dating-thai-boys-86-covid-thwarts-my.html

Twitter account rates all the desperate and trashy moves of your exes (1 Jan 2019)
https://metro.co.uk/2019/01/01/twitter-account-rates-all-the-desperate-and-trashy-moves-of-your-exes-8297326/

A Twitter account has documented all the trashy text messages, DMs, Snapchats, and other creative platforms to connect with people, compiling an impressive list of horrible interactions.

Stashing is the hot new dating trend that’ll make you feel like sh*t (19 Aug 2017)
https://metro.co.uk/2017/08/19/stashing-is-the-hot-new-dating-trend-thatll-make-you-feel-like-sht-6864139/

Stashing is a super fun dating trend in which someone is dating someone else, but has decided to hide them away from everyone in their life.

Yes, we’re the ones who’ve just come up with a name for it, but it’s a thing that’s happening to people from all corners of the world of dating.

A victim of stashing is hidden from every other part of the stasher’s life – from their tagged photos to their casual chats with their parents.

The worst dating trends we were hit with in 2018 (29 Dec 2018)
https://metro.co.uk/2018/12/29/worst-dating-trends-hit-2018-8291979/

8. Preating Pre-cheating. Making steps to cheat but not doing enough to land yourself in trouble. So a flirty message that you can explain away as being friendly. Feeling out a relationship with someone else when you’re supposed to be committed. Preating is sh*t.

13. Sneating Oh, cool, now we have a term to describe agreeing to go on dates purely so you can have a free meal. You know what? No judgement. You enjoy that free spaghetti.

17. Shaveducking Shaveducking is a nasty consequence of the rise of facial hair. Is that guy actually hot, or is his beard covering up a weak chin? Shaveducking describes the lingering unease that emerges when you realise that you’re not quite sure if you’re attracted to a man, or just his facial hair. Shaveducking, because you’d do anything to dodge that guy getting a shave and trimming off your affections in the process. The horrible bit comes when the man actually does shave and you realise you are completely repulsed by his bare face.

'Hardballing' Is The First Dating Trend We've Heard Lately That Doesn't Suck
Hardballing could make "situationships" and awkward "What are we?" conversations a thing of the past. (01/14/2022)
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/dating-trend-hardballing-season_l_61e066d1e4b0a267028aea43

As defined by Logan Ury, the director of relationship science at Hinge, “Hardballing is a new dating term that means someone is being clear about their expectations of a relationship, whether you want a serious long-term partnership or a casual fling.”

Some have called it “dating like a CEO.” It’s your love life; why shouldn’t you call the shots on what you expect and want from the experience? But if you’re not one for cutesy dating terms, you could just call it dating with intention.

My life on Grindr - A blog created when my now ex-husband abandoned our marriage, cut me off and I had no other option but to look for him on the gay dating app Grindr.
https://mylifeongrindr.blogspot.com/

A blog with personal experience of gaslighting from the victim’s side and some general articles about gay online dating.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a colloquialism that is loosely defined as making someone question their reality. The term is also used, informally, to describe someone (a "gaslighter") who persistently puts forth a false narrative which leads another person (or a group of people) to doubt their own perceptions to the extent that they become disoriented and distressed.

Now that I know the term and definition, I have been a victim of an unintentional variant of this in my first years in Thailand. 2009-2013, before I got my first smartphone, all communication was in spoken form and I had no written record, so when an boy and I agreed to meet in A at xx, and he later changed to B at yy, I thought it’s my memory that’s wrong. The general unreliability of Thais and poor space-time-coordination, I thought I remember wrong!

Some terms I would add

Solstice: messages are as rare and unpredictable (for a layman) as solstices.

When I was in Phnom Penh last year, I spotted a cute Chinese boy in my hostel and found him on gay online dating. Online communication was spotty. Exchange a few messages (with intention to meet from my side), but suddenly no more reply. Days later I would get a reply, or rather he would start a new thread of communication. Then again a gap. By chance our paths would cross in real life, and now that I know he is still here, I would message him to get a reply days later or no reply at all. He indicated money problems and I indicated that I can help him, but even that lead nowhere.

Repeat the above several times, starting from zero every time. Like riding a bicycle in sand, no matter how hard you pedal, you just can’t make any progress.

(1. No name for this behavior, suggestions by my readers?) 
I’m chatting with someone on online dating and before we even met (which is a big hurdle), the boy micromanages our future interaction, going as far as making plans for marriage and living with me in Germany and talking about color and breed of a puppy we are going to adopt. All this chat is a waste of time for me and I have to cut it short without losing the boy.

(2. No name for this behavior, suggestions by my readers?) 
I meet a boy from online dating and we have a good time. Great body and activities, and as far as I can judge, he enjoyed our encounter as much as I did. Worth a repeat, even worth paying for! But when I contact the boy, no reply or delayed reply, and after weeks or months I realize, we are not going to get together again. If only he would ask for money, I would happily agree!

I had two such encounters in Cambodia in 2021, and remember one in Thailand before Covid. The only explanation I have is that the boy is in a relationship and our encounter was an infidelity while his partner was away.

Copyright ChristianPFC 2022 except quotes and pictures