Wednesday, 3 May 2017

Dating Thai boys (52) BFC4in2017 Ton

Dating Thai boys (52) BFC4in2017 Ton

Warning: There are no wedding bells at the end. Rants about Thai character (more precisely: character of most of the boys I meet).

Fri 7apr2017
BFC3in2017 First is just out of my room, and I have another boy on hornet. Ton stays at a friend’s place 5 min walk from mine. Meet there, back to my room. In bed everything fine (now with hindsight: the boy rather passive, which means either different style or I’m not so much his type and at the receiving end of pity sex), BFC4in2017. Stays over night but has to get up at 5 am.

This is going to be the one! With other boyfriend candidates, one of the problems was distance (BFC1in2017 Art near MBK but not interested, BFC2in2017 Benz lives in Korat, BFC3in2017 First is only passing through Bangkok; previous years similar), but at 5 minutes walking, we can meet every day!

Sat 8apr2017
Get up at 5 am with Ton (Is this love?), then back to sleep. Later in the day a completely new problem arises: how to manage two BFCs at the same time? At night, First can’t come because he is sick and Ton doesn’t come because he is tired.

Sun 9apr2017
Ton comes at night and stays o.n. Busy with phone (and after battery empty and iPhone cannot charge on my plugs, internet on my computer). Video chat involving me (both of us in bed) with various friends and family. No sex number 1.

Mon 10apr2017
Another day of getting up at 5 am, Ton out 5:21 am, I continue sleeping. Ton posts pictures of us in bed on facebook.

On Line, he sends pictures of shoes he likes, and asks for money to buy them. Cannot. But I turn it around into an invitation to come to Kanchanaburi 3d2n instead (failed because he was working on 13apr2017, the first day of the trip). Well, we met twice before he asked for anything, that can be counted as a good start.

Tue 11apr2017
Ton (now in his other room in Sukhumvit 97) suggests running together in Lumpini park in the evening. On a normal day, I walk estimated 10 km, on a busy day, I walk 20 km, so I don’t need any further exercise. In 2013-2016 I did running and swimming in the hope of meeting cute boys, gave up (no cute boys). But here I agree, let’s see where this leads.

Appointment at clock tower is 17:30. I am there 17:35, and do an hour of reading on my mobile, running one round, and texting with him until he finally arrives 18:35. Ask him how he came here: taxi. (All the way from Suk 97? BTS+MRT would have been faster and cheaper, and how does he have money for taxi?)

Running together is going to be the bonding experience!

But no, he is more interested in playing on his mobile phone, and what he calls running is quick walking by my standards. After one round, during which I occasionally had to take him by the hand to get him to actually run, he is exhausted and we sit at the clock tower. I could have sack raced and come in first. I spot 160 unread messages on Line (that means slow reply to my messages is because they are down where he doesn’t see them any more), and is playing on hornet (I stopped all gay dating activities after our first encounter). He doesn’t want to come to my room now (about 19:00), but will come at 10 pm. No sex number 2. I don’t message him to remind him, and he doesn’t come. No show number 1.

Wed 12apr2017
Chat during day, Ton asks for money to go eat with friends. No amount specified, I agree. Appointment for 9 pm. 21:57 finally message “I’m here”. I go down to open the door: there is nobody! Back to my room and ask where he is. 22:01 in front of my building. (This kind of behavior is general, I will elaborate in a separate post.)

Ton reminds me of our chat (money for food), so I give him 300 Baht. Peek at his mobile phone screen: 94% battery. And he brought a power bank! Playing on his phone all the time. Videochat with friends and family, involving me (talking aobut my nose and color of my nipples?) and going life on facebook. No sex number 3.

There must be places where electronics is collected for recycling, that allow people to destroy old mobile phones by throwing them at walls, trampling on them, smashing them with a hammer? I would pay for that pleasure.

Thu 13apr2017
Third time I get up at 5 am with him, and then back to sleep.

Sun 16apr2017
Dinner with Ton and his lady friend Dream (Thai food, 17:05-18:00, 210 Baht, their choice of restaurant). I was expecting him to come with me after dinner, but no. No sex number 4. He will come to meet me 8 pm. No show number 2.

I think he took his lady friend to vet me as a prospective boyfriend. Or do I think more about what Thai boys think, than Thai boys think?

With hindsight, I have an idea what was going on. During our dinner they asked if I had been to Asiatique (three times, and I don’t like it), and after dinner Dream messaged me on facebook if I want to join to Asiatique (i.e. invite them to go there): no.

The dinner was just to fish for an invitation to Asiatique!

My readers might wonder why I count how often we met without sex and how many no show. I don’t need to have sex every time we meet, but there is little else to do: he is looking at his phone or on my computer, I read a book and look at him, that’s it.

With hindsight, I realize we are looking for different things: I am looking for sex and he is looking for an air-conditioned place with WiFi, and tolerates my presence. He could have realized I’m looking for sex when we lie in bed and I hug and grope him a few times, and I could have realized he is not looking for sex when these hugs and gropes were not returned.

Now I realize, I have been deluding myself that our prospects of becoming boy friends is hanging on a thin thread, when in reality it was over the second time we met!

If you read only one paragraph of this article, let it be this one:

And now I can draw parallels to other Thai boys. With most boys, dating is a one-way road, a black hole! All the time, commitment, money (reasonable amounts), emotional involvement I give, nothing ever comes back! They only take, they don’t give anything back!

(I told this story to two experienced Farang friends, and their reply was: That did take you so long to find out? Well, I’m guilty of deluding myself, hoping there is one out who isn’t like the other, and that I just got that one.)

I went to visit one boy (M from Ratburi or Petburi) in Phuket in 2014, the reception was lackluster. I finally found out he is a moneyboy who doesn’t say so:

Another boy (Nicky BFC6in2015) was in Rangsit, and I went there twice to meet him (only fair, he works long hours and I’m free all day, so I do the 2-hours each way trip because I have more time), and then: lackluster! Details here

Mon 17apr2017
Ton messages he is sorry for not coming yesterday. Was tired from work. Meet 10 pm today (My suggestion of time, I’m away and only back 9:30). No show number 3.

Tue 18apr2017
Ton messages sorry for not coming yesterday, tired from work.

Wed 19apr2017
Ton asks to meet at Starbucks in Q-House Lumpini (where he works) in the evening (ตอนเย็น dton-yen). The previous days, he finished work 10 pm, so I leave this message unreplied until 20:50 to ask when he finishes work today: finish already. I could have guessed from evening versus night (in Thai as clear as in English: evening เย็น yen which would be between 16 and 19 and night ทุ่ม tûm which would be between 19 and 24), but deliberately delayed because I have no interest to vine and dine him and probably his friends at Starbucks, and then “Thank you, bye!”.

Thu 20apr2017
Now I need a few days rest from him to overcome my aggravation about non-commitment, playing games, slow reply, no show; and then ask if we can meet (just us two) to talk about our future, i.e. ask him what he is looking for with me, tell him I’m looking for sex and boyfriend with him (or rather leave that out, this chance has passed), and finally offer 500 Baht for sex to make this a clear money-for-sex relationship: no more waste of my time, no games, and no more no-shows.

(We haven’t been in contact since then. He might have forgotten about me, while I still mourn this missed chance.)

A spectacular fail. Not just that I didn’t get the boy, but he drained a lot of time and energy from me (but only little money).

Copyright 2017 ChristianPFC


  1. at least you have an interesting story to tell, thank you

  2. Thank you for posting this.

    I still think the best way to get sex with cute Thais is to figure out how to earn plenty of money, then just pay them for the sex. No sex, no money.

  3. Reading your blog, I was disheartened to learn that your more promising 2017 BF candidate didn't turn out well for you. You seem to be getting progressively more disillusioned with Thailand (on the BF front anyway).

    For someone who has invested so much in his pursuit of learning--first hand--about the country, I can't help but feeling that you're on the verge of calling it a day there.

    You seem to have accumulated sufficient evidence that you're not likely to realize your goal. And that's sad. Judging only by what you have generously chosen to share with your blog followers, it appears that your way of proceeding is a fait accompli. You have decided in advance that the candidate will prove wanting and it inevitably turns out that way--to your dismay.

    You deserve better but I don't think you're likely to find it.

    I'm at least 30 years your senior. I, too, have had my share of disappointments but I have to admit that in most cases it was me at fault. I was too defensive, too skeptical. (I'm reminded here of the famous Woody Allen line: I wouldn't belong to any club that would have me as a member).

    One of my most painful memories is of a guy I met over a dozen years ago. He was a pre-med student (verified) at one of Thailand's best schools. Everything was going great but I kept looking for deficiencies because I couldn't understand who a guy like this was interested in me. So when it went south, I should not have been surprised. I made it happen.

    I guess I'm saying take care that you don't become your own worst enemy like I did.

    1. That's a Groucho Marx line, not Woody Allen.


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