Saturday, 11 October 2014

Dating Thai boys: non-verbal electronic communication

Dating Thai boys: non-verbal electronic communication

(On the phone, gayromeo, grindr, line, sms, facebook.)

You wouldn't think so, but you can communicate non-verbally electronically (I am not talking about stickers and smileys).

When you send an SMS (which I do only very rarely nowadays) or call someone and he doesn't pick up, you don't know if he received your message or call.

But on gayromeo, grindr, facebook and line you see if the recipient read the message. A message that is read but not answered, especially if you asked a question, is a bad sign, the meaning is something like "I don't know (yet)", "I don't care", "I am busy", "Not now".

When a message is not read, there are several possibilities:

The recipient has no access to internet or mobile data (a friend can read message on Line only when is at home with WiFi). 

The recipient is inundated with messages and doesn't read the old messages. In this case just send it again. I learnt this recently, and it came as a surprise. I don't get that many messages that I have no time read them immediately, and even if I did I would read them as soon as I have time. But I saw 26 unread messages in Line on a Thai friend's phone and 50 unread messages on a Farang friend's phone. 

The recipient lost his phone, changed his phone number, deleted his Line account.

Receiving messages in Line.

My phone works the following way: when a message comes in it vibrates and shows the message for some seconds, but remains locked. I can read the message and if it's not important, I leave my phone locked, and I assume the message is not marked as "read". I have time to think about it, but the sender does not know I read the message.

Recent example: A boy asks me on Line if I am free tomorrow and if we can meet. I am free, but I wait for something better to come along. Hence I do not read the message in Line (only in the notification list of my mobile phone), so he doesn't know that I received and read his message, if he knew he would ask why I don't answer. If something better comes along, I will tell him so; if nothing better comes along, I might invite him.

I have a few hours to use this knowledge (I know he wants to meet me, but he doesn't I know he wants to meet me) to my advantage.

Chatting on facebook offers the possibility to see where your chat partner is, if he uses mobile data or WiFi. I checked my own location a few times, and it was pretty accurate.

Sometimes I don't pick up phone calls, usually those between 10 pm and 10 am and if I can guess what the boy wants, and my answer would be no. Depending on situation, I will not accept the call and write in Line that I'm not free, or wait until ringing ends (so the caller does not know that I noticed his call).

For sake of completeness, let me include hanging up as well. Sometimes I call a boy, he sounds like I just woke him from sleep (can be any time of the day), and after "hello" he hangs up. Then I call again and he doesn't pick up.

You see, this whole electronic communication is a net of deception and tricks, before you even say or write a word!

Copyright 2014 ChristianPFC


  1. What you've described with Line also works well with GayRomeo. Instead of opening a message outright and giving away the fact that you've read it, you can preview it first. In the list of received messages, you can read at least the first few words, plus you can forward the entire message by email and that also doesn't cause it getting marked as read. (I'm standing at 85 unread Line messages at the moment.)

  2. And if the boy you leave hanging, because you might get a better offer then decides he has got fed up waiting and doesn't bother to answer when you don't get a better offer.
    You accuse him of being a time waster....


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